Every Protagonist in Everything Should Be a Wheelchair Bound Person of Colour With No Eyebrows

As I listen to “Luka” by Suzanne Vega and sip my vegan chai I wonder whether white, cis men can really appreciate how hard life can be for a transgender, wheelchair bound person of colour with a rare genetic condition that causes their eyebrows to grow in the shape of Bill Clinton’s ballsack.

They don’t even try. Straight white men. What do they know about the struggles of the wheelchair bound people of color with PTSD and no eyebrows and also bipolar and ingrown toenails? Why aren’t we represented? Per capita there are 5 of us and YET WE AREN’T PROTECTED IN COMPLICATED LAWS THAT TAKE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AND MANPOWER THAT COULD BE USED FOR OTHER THINGS LIKE ELIMINATING POVERTY INSTEAD OF CATERING TO OUR EGOS – what an injustice this is.

What an injustice that the transgender, bipolar, eyebrow-less, people of colour, wheelchair bound, ptsd riddled, genuphobic community is not represented by mainstream cinema when there is a whole 14 of us in the entire USA

It doesn’t matter that it would be a total statistical anomaly for one of our community to be the protagonist of an action film or horror movie (unless that horror movie is about THE PATRIARCHY AMIRITE?!) or that Thor was not a coloured woman and that by changing his gender you’re throwing away thousands of years of history WE SHOULD BE REPRESENTED. I for one want to see an action movie about a transgender, POC who is wheelchair bound, has no eyebrows, is genuphobic, is ptsd afflicted and suffers from ESPD (Extreme Spontaneous Profanity Disorder) who spends the first half an hour of the film trying to navigate their wheelchair up a flight of stairs because the power is out and then sues the terrorists for not catering for zirs in wheelchairs and wins a landmark battle against the patriarchy but then cries a lot BECAUSE I’M ADULTING AND IT IS HARD.

That will show the cisgender scum that walk around and sip water like the privileged nazis they are wearing suits made by children in cambodia and using their iphones made by chinese children with no fingernails so they make phones faster. Speaking of which, my iphone should have a default voice for Siri that IS NOT ON THE GENDER BINARY. My choices are male or female? Disgusting. Siri should speak in a gender neutral voice that sounds like someone screaming “GET YOUR HATE SPEECH OFF OUR CAMPUS” and waving their flab around because it has accepted its extreme eating disorder is normal and healthy while it struggles to climb three stairs.

But back to the point. Every protagonist in everything should be whatever I say it is because everything should relate to me and no one else. I am the only important person in the world despite talking for my “community” in a thinly veiled attempt at masquerading as a social justice progressive who wants true equality in the world by dismissing straight, white people as completely unimportant despite being the majority of the population of the country I live in.

Now, pardon me while I write a blog about how I was triggered by the self service checkout asking if I want a receipt. THAT IS RECEIPT RAPE AND I WON’T STAND FOR IT.

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